Truthful Tuesday

So it happened.

Some of you have just been waiting for it...others of you are as surprised as I am.

RatBastard broke up with me last Sat.

I was supposed to take him to the airport in the afternoon...but when I woke up he was already sitting out in the living room and wanted to talk.

*sigh*

No really good reason...surprise surprise. Here's a few of the high points of our conversation:

• I'm getting those "feelings" all over again - no definitive answer as to what those feelings might be
• I hate staying over at your house - because I'm messy and he's a neat freak
• I think I can do better
• I think I jumped into dating you because you were the first girl who showed up
• I want to date lots of other women and see what's out there
• I think we're better off as friends
• I think you love me more than I love you

Needless to say, I went home and bawled my eyes out.

Funny thing? Friday evening...he said these exact words to me, "I am not breaking up with you and I will do whatever it takes to earn your trust back."

Even funnier? In my mail on Sat...was a super sweet, lovey-dovey Christmas card in it. It said...and I quote:

"Sprinkles,

I wish you a life filled with love and care, as you filled mine with yours.

I thank you so much for your support, strength and faith in us.

May our shared love, passion and togetherness last for a long time to come.

Love, RatBastard"

 

 

Excuse my language...but WHAT THE FUCK???!!!!

 

The card was postmarked on Friday. So what the hell happened between Friday morning and Sat morning to make him flip the switch?

 

There are a lot of theories being thrown out there. I don't even know. I can't even tell up from down anymore with this boy. I love him so damn much but I am so sick and tired of feeling like this.

 

I know that he loves me. But at this point...that's not enough.

 

I need someone who loves me all the time...full on...balls to the wall. Someone who would walk through fire for me because he knows I'll never ask him to. Someone who recognizes that I'm a diamond in the rough and is proud to have me as his girlfriend. I need someone who I can trust to give my heart to and know that they won't stomp on it time and time again.

 

I want so much and yet I settle for so little. 

Friendship and love

I am thankful for my friends.

I have a good amount of friends. I have knitting friends, running friends, GS friends, friends from college and high school, friends I only chat with on facebook, texting friends, long distance friends and even a best friend.

I am truly blessed with good people who share my sorrows, my joys and keep me sane.

That being said...I have noticed several different reactions when they find out that I'm back with RatBastard:

• "Why?! Why would you do that?! Are you out of your mind?! What are you thinking?!!!"
• "I think you're making a huge mistake.
• "I think you're making a huge mistake and I don't want to hear anything about it. I just can't handle hearing about him."
• "You do what you have to do."
• "Who am I to judge? Just be careful."
• "You'll be sorry when he breaks your heart again."

Some of these reactions were hard for me to hear. Some of them, I have no response to. How do you put into words how you feel about someone?

I understand why they've reacted this way. They love me. They don't want to see me hurt....again. They've been there, done that, and don't want it to happen again. Trust me....neither do I.

I can't even begin to explain why I'm back with RatBastard. I just know that I love him. I love him for the man that he is, the man that he was, and the man that he is going to be. I see so much potential there. I know how I feel when I'm with him. I know that he loves me. I know that he has some issues that need to be worked out. So do I. And we're working on them.

Hopefully...this relationship will last a long time and my friends will come around. Time will heal old wounds and new memories will be made.

Either way...I know my friends have my back and always will. And I love them for that.

Thank you friends.

Ode to Ollie

Oh Ollie, my Ollie,
You make me feel so good.
Oh Ollie, my Ollie,
Roll with you, I always should.

Your grid knows
Just how to please,
Your touch sends me into ecstasy.

With you I make sweet, sweet love
I promise you'll never have to wear a glove.

You know just how
To make me moan,
My neighbors
I'm sure adore,
Oh my God,
I always scream...
I'm just your running whore.

-Sprinkles

Thanks for always working out the kinks.

Crazy week!

It's been a crazy weekend and is shaping up to be a crazy week!

I took my GS troop camping this past weekend. It was a lot of fun but also very exhausting. I'm extremely lucky in that I got to go with one of our mom's who is amazing to work with. We get along really well and work well together to keep the girls safe and happy. The girls make me laugh all the time with their antics.

The best part about camping was that it reinforced the fact that I really am a runner! I left the girls in very capable hands and snuck in a run! I did 3.25 miles. It was super hilly and slightly chilly!

Happy Camper after a good run!

 

On tap for this week...

 

Monday: Run with the Hibernian Harriers Run Club. We'll be running in costume so that should be hella fun!

 

Tuesday: Run with my meetup group. Then spend some time with a friend of mine.

 

Wednesday: Tickets to the Hurricanes STH party! I'll get to visit the locker room and meet some of the players. I can't wait!!! Pictures will be posted!

 

Thursday: Halloween! I'll be dressing up for work and then running with my meetup group. Knitting group to follow! All in costume of course!

 

Then this next weekend is the City of Oaks Marathon! I'm hoping to make it out to the expo and am really looking forward to volunteering and seeing what goes into a marathon and half.

 

In other news: I heard from Ratbastard. I sent him a card last week and wanted to know if he received it. So I texted him. We chatted for a bit via text last night. It was nice to catch up with him and hear what he's been up to. My feelings are so mixed regarding that whole situation. I just don't even know. Who knows what will come of it...if anything?!

 

 

The GS bandito says surrender all your S'mores!



Stuck in my head

Bright Lights, Big City

She dreams of love.

 

Bright Lights, Big City

She lives to run.

                                                                                  -Thirty Seconds to Mars

 

This song has been on repeat in my head...over and over again. It's called Bright Lights and it's by a band called Thirty Seconds to Mars. I've changed the words a little bit...the second "She" is sung as "He," but it fits better for me if I just sing "She."

 

The words are just so fitting.

 

I do dream of love. I dream of that perfect someone who will hold me when I'm down, who will laugh with me and not at me. That intimate friend and lover all rolled into one. The guy with the smile that lights up my heart who will think I'm beautiful and realize that I'm an unpolished diamond.



While I'm busy dreaming of that....I live to run.

Running has filled the void.

It has gone from something I did to prove someone wrong, to something I live to do.

It has become my drug.

If I'm not running...I'm thinking about running. Or I'm texting Bliss about running. Or I'm reading about running. Or I'm looking at new running products or races.

I feel like running has helped me in so many ways already. It's helped me get over heartache and loss. It's made my clothing fit better. It's introduced me to some great new people. It's helped me find new friends.

Can running help me find love?

Bright lights, Big city dreams.