So I said goodbye to my ex-husband yesterday. He left to move to Ohio to live with his dad.
Back story:
In 2005, Sprinkles met a man we'll call Jazzy. Jazzy was smart, funny and kind. He was also 20 years her senior. They started talking in Feb, met in April, visited twice in May, and Sprinkles moved to Raleigh to live with Jazzy in August.
Her parents were livid. Not only was Sprinkles moving across the country away from them, she was doing so with a much older man.
Eventually, Sprinkles and Jazzy got married. They had their typical ups and downs like all marriages do, but things were pretty normal for a few years. Sprinkles' parents finally even came around and liked Jazzy.
Montego Bay, Jamaica
Then Jazzy started working long hours. Like 70-80 hour weeks. And when he wasn't working...he was drinking. When Jazzy would drink...he would become extremely depressed and say disparaging things towards himself and their marriage. Then in the morning, he wouldn't remember the things that were said.
In March of 2011, Sprinkles went home to Texas for a much needed break. She had started therapy the month before because she didn't feel equipped to deal with a depressed alcoholic who worked all the time. While she was there, Jazzy called to let her know that he was quitting his job out of the blue. Despite pleading...there was nothing she could say to change his mind.
Eventually, the bills started piling up. Sprinkles took a second job at a big box craft store. If you're going to take a second job, might as well be doing something fun...right? Jazzy decided that he really didn't want to work and would rather stay home and drink all day. Or he'd come up with crazy schemes for the future like going back to art school (with what money?) or making wooden toys to sell on ebay.
Sprinkles tried to be supportive but was reaching her breaking point.Through it all...she kept pleading and begging Jazzy to get help. To find a job. To work on their relationship. No dice.
In November of 2011...the electricity was turned off. Turns out that Jazzy wasn't paying all of the bills and wasn't telling Sprinkles about it. Sprinkles realized that she should have been paying closer attention to these matters.
Since Sprinkles was working two jobs and needed electricity and hot water to function well at those jobs...she moved in for a few days with MommaB. MommaB has a guest room and let Sprinkles bring the Wal-dog with.
The breaking point came when Sprinkles was staying with MommaB and Jazzy drunk called her. He accused her of never loving him and started to say some really nasty things before Sprinkles calmly told him she wasn't going to listen to that and hung up on him. Within 30 mins, he called her back to apologize.
That was the final straw.
Sprinkles told Jazzy he needed to move out....she wanted a divorce.
Fast forward through Sprinkles moving out, a year-long separation (thank you state of North Carolina), and lots of heartache...their divorce was final on May 10th, 2013.
This happened to be the same day Sprinkles had a mammogram. She had found a lump in her left breast.
The day that Tina the tit-lump got a biopsy....Jazzy attempted suicide. Sprinkles received a call from the Raleigh PD. Apparently, the bio hazard team had to be brought in because they suspected that Jazzy may have been trying to make a WMD. It turns out that he wasn't...he was just trying to harm himself. He did 3 weeks in the local mental hospital.
Sprinkles was going through her own challenges in life through this time (see: Tina the tit-lump) and was unable to be there for Jazzy. Plus she no longer really knew this man anymore. Thankfully Tina turned out to be benign.
In August, Sprinkles and Jazzy were able to spend some time visiting together. Jazzy came by on a nice Sat afternoon and they took the Wal-Dog to the dog park. They talked and had a strange, but pleasant afternoon. Sprinkles had no hard feelings left towards Jazzy.
In Sept, Sprinkles got a strange feeling that she needed to check on him. Something didn't feel right. She called and left a message and he didn't answer. She went to his apt and still no answer...nobody home. As she was about to call the cops to come check on him, a neighbor stopped her and said he had been taken out by ambulance. A couple of calls later she found out he was back in the mental hospital after a second suicide attempt.
That Sunday, she got a call from Jazzy. "Will you please go by my apt and get my clothes and bring them to me?," he asked. Of course. After all...if she doesn't....who would?
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When my ex-husband got out of the hospital (he was released after about a week), I saw him a few times. I brought him a cane as he has trouble with his balance now. I took his fancy sleeping bag that he no longer had use for. We chatted and I brought him cookies. I had trouble staying long because he now smokes inside his home and it hurts my lungs.
It's like looking at a stranger I used to know. He's missing most of his teeth. He smokes like a chimney. He repeats himself a lot and doesn't remember things so well.
He was evicted from his apt. I had to tell him that for my own mental health and safety...he could not stay with me. He ended up having to move to Ohio with his dad.
I'm happy for him. I'm glad his dad and him will have the chance to rebuild their relationship. I'm glad that he will have family around him to help him get his life back on track. I wish only the best for him.
I said goodbye to him last night. It was very odd. I felt strangely emotional afterwards....like I just wanted to cry for no good reason. I guess it's the closing of a chapter of my life.
