Truthful Tuesday

Have you ever been surrounded by people and never felt so alone?

I have a great life. My life is full of fun activities, great friends and a family that loves me. I am luckier than most. I do fun things that fill me with happiness and I have people in my life to share those experiences with. I even have the best pup in the world to snuggle with.

That being said...

I'm lonely.

I miss being part of a couple.
I miss having a companion.
I miss inside jokes.
I miss being touched.
I miss the intimacy.
I miss kisses.
I miss the way I fit into the crook of his arm.
I miss skin on skin contact.
I miss innocent touches.
I miss knowing someone so well that you can tell what kind of mood they're in before they even open their mouth.

I miss it all.

I know what everyone will tell me. You have to love yourself Sprinkles. You don't want to be desperate for a man. You need to be fine on your own before you can be a good partner.

I get all of that.

But I feel a deep ache inside me when I hear John Legend sing that he wants to "Love your curves and all your edges. All your perfect imperfections."  I find myself unable to be happy for other couples. It seems like the world is taunting me with love all around for everyone but me.

What people don't tell me is how do I get over this deep ache? When does the hurt stop? When do I stop missing all of these things?

I'm not desperate to have a man. I can take care of myself. I am an independent woman who can handle her own problems and live her own life. I'm ok with myself. I know who I am. I'm more secure in my body and self than I've ever been in my whole life.

But I want to be loved. I want what I see my parents have. I want it so bad it hurts.

I settled in my marriage. I didn't think I was capable of being loved. I thought if someone told me they loved me...I should be grateful because no one else would ever tell me that.

I know better now. I don't ever want to settle again. I will be fine and I will hold out for the right one.

Until that person comes...

I'm lonely.