Truthful Tuesday

So it happened.

Some of you have just been waiting for it...others of you are as surprised as I am.

RatBastard broke up with me last Sat.

I was supposed to take him to the airport in the afternoon...but when I woke up he was already sitting out in the living room and wanted to talk.

*sigh*

No really good reason...surprise surprise. Here's a few of the high points of our conversation:

• I'm getting those "feelings" all over again - no definitive answer as to what those feelings might be
• I hate staying over at your house - because I'm messy and he's a neat freak
• I think I can do better
• I think I jumped into dating you because you were the first girl who showed up
• I want to date lots of other women and see what's out there
• I think we're better off as friends
• I think you love me more than I love you

Needless to say, I went home and bawled my eyes out.

Funny thing? Friday evening...he said these exact words to me, "I am not breaking up with you and I will do whatever it takes to earn your trust back."

Even funnier? In my mail on Sat...was a super sweet, lovey-dovey Christmas card in it. It said...and I quote:

"Sprinkles,

I wish you a life filled with love and care, as you filled mine with yours.

I thank you so much for your support, strength and faith in us.

May our shared love, passion and togetherness last for a long time to come.

Love, RatBastard"

 

 

Excuse my language...but WHAT THE FUCK???!!!!

 

The card was postmarked on Friday. So what the hell happened between Friday morning and Sat morning to make him flip the switch?

 

There are a lot of theories being thrown out there. I don't even know. I can't even tell up from down anymore with this boy. I love him so damn much but I am so sick and tired of feeling like this.

 

I know that he loves me. But at this point...that's not enough.

 

I need someone who loves me all the time...full on...balls to the wall. Someone who would walk through fire for me because he knows I'll never ask him to. Someone who recognizes that I'm a diamond in the rough and is proud to have me as his girlfriend. I need someone who I can trust to give my heart to and know that they won't stomp on it time and time again.

 

I want so much and yet I settle for so little.